And close the door
One in five struggles with its increasing disorder and bad mood. 16 percent of all women also feel left alone with the household. But men don't just leave their brooms lying around in a partnership: According to 15 percent of the partners, the sports program and the effort to look good are neglected.
In addition, the good nursery is often forgotten in the course of the relationship: every sixth woman complains about the increasing recklessness of her partner. Twelve percent of the respondents are also dissatisfied with the bad manners that their loved one suddenly shows.
Partnership: Ten Relationship Sins You Should Never Commit Relationship: Every seventh person has doubts about their partnership
Every third person is completely satisfied with their partner
However, not all respondents take their partner to court with such criticism. In fact, a third of all couples have nothing wrong with the other even after many years of relationship. The married couple in particular are still on cloud nine: 35 percent are completely happy with their spouse. For unmarried couples it is 30 percent.
When the language gets really “dirty” in bed, two thirds of Germans find it very exciting, says Eric Hegmann, author and Parship single and relationship expert. But does dirty talk make sex better? When the hot communication heats up and when it tends to damage the relationship.
Lifestyle – the sex life of Germans
The sex life of the Germans
Of lust and frustration in your own bedroom. to the video
Words that fuel the imagination
Dirty talk takes place in many bedrooms and can certainly enrich the act of love. The couples expert knows what couples like about it: “In surveys, both women and men mostly find it very stimulating to make it clear during sex what is popular and how it feels. Sex does not only take place on the physical level Imagination is an important factor in bed and words are great at stimulating it. “
Both have to enjoy dirty talk
But it is important that both partners enjoy the obscene dialogues. Then the “dirty” language can be an enrichment: “Dirty talk may sound disrespectful to some people because the person behind the act often disappears and becomes the object of satisfaction. But actually you open yourself up to the partner, give up control and lets itself fall. This experience is certainly good for every couple, ”advises Hegmann. But it has to be authentic: “Rehearsed sayings from porn can quickly sound ridiculous,” warns the author.
Hegmann is convinced that open communication about sexual needs benefits the relationship. A couple who learn more about their partner's needs through dirty talk will experience this sexual variety as satisfying and liberating. “Sex, especially in long relationships, always needs new impulses and changes.”
But the framework should be defined beforehand so that one partner does not feel offended or humiliated. “If dirty talk is perceived as personally derogatory, it can exacerbate existing relationship problems,” the couple expert knows. “The boundaries of what sounds insulting or vulgar are very individual. And sometimes dirty talk is supposed to sound out exactly these boundaries. As with everything in a relationship, this is a question of agreements and the control of these agreements. Nobody should get involved what he doesn't like at all, “says Hegmann.
“Give me animal names!”
“Wilder Stallion” or “Heiße Sau”: Animal names can turn on as well as turn off. This also applies to crude terms for the act itself and the genitals. “Dirty talk is not about insults – but we still use expressions during sex that we also use as curses. Dirty talk stimulates our brain as a sexual organ and everyone has different fantasies and associations. How far you can and should go must find out each pair for yourself. “
When a partner doesn't want to be “dirty”
Hegmann advises simply giving dirty talk a try. If one partner can't do anything with it, but the other finds it exciting and doesn't want to go without it, you can conclude a kind of swap: sometimes we do what you like, sometimes what I like. “You should allow yourself and your partner a little time. Not everyone is an actor and can slip into every role that the partner expects.”
Sensual for underneath: Sexy underwear: These lingerie are pure seduction. Love better: Seven tips for more sex Sextoys for couples: Make sex life for two more exciting Video: The sex life of the German partnership: Slow sex gives the relationship new impetus in old age : How sex films change the relationship
Just get started or talk about it beforehand?
If you want to try it, you can of course discuss it in advance – or just try it out. That of course also depends on how you assess the other person: Is he more open to new ideas or does he react in shock when you “attack” him? “If you laugh a lot together during sex, you can probably surprise your partner with something new. But if you want to use dirty talk with high expectations as a new variant of your sleepy love life, it is probably better to speak to you beforehand”, advises the couple expert.
Ann-Marlene Henning would be a hit with cheerful career advice: She is a sexologist. She gives the Germans tutoring in matters of sex. Her book and the ZDF series “Make Love” made her famous. We asked you: What does sexuality mean for parents and children – in every phase of life? T-online.de: What problems do parents come to you with?
Ann-Marlene Henning: There are many aspects. For parents of young children, “no desire” is an issue above all. No sexual pleasure is one thing and living apart is another. You could also say: not really together. Because the woman satisfies large parts of her pleasure – not in the sexual sense – through the child. Touches, hugs, being close and cuddling – that's what she does with the child. That's why the man falls short. I hear that often from couples.
What happens after the toddler phase?
The next stage begins just before the children move out. Suddenly there are crises of meaning. Women in particular ask themselves: Who am I when the children are gone? Then you usually don't look as sexy as before, you don't feel valued. In this phase, infidelity often comes into play, from both sexes, because you want to feel confirmation again. Another phase of life is when menopause and andropause set in. Then you have crazy teenagers in the house and – to put it bluntly – the mother is just crazy and the father is depressed. And when the kids are gone and the adults are struggling with their own problems, there are new opportunities. They either move away from each other completely, maybe even separate, or they finally come back together. That is often the nice thing!
Couples get back together or a new partner comes into play. How do the new partners fit into the families?
You look for togetherness and get a whole family. It is difficult to convey to the children: “There is someone new and he is also in my bedroom.” To the children the new one is a stranger. The children are suddenly in the way. You can't just have spontaneous and romantic sex with your new partner and spend a lot of time alone together. These are everyday psychological problems. The logistics become arduous if you don't live together yet. That affects sex too. These blended families can be quite difficult. And sex is so easily disturbed when you are no longer young and full of hormones.
So: is patchwork the death of new love?
In any case, you have to put a lot of energy into it and really want it. But the older you get, the sex happens completely independently of the patchwork, no longer so easily and by itself. A lot of people don't even think they have to change anything.
Let's take a dreaded situation: children catch mother and father having sex. How should one govern?
It depends on the age of the child. The little ones don't even notice if you react normally. There is only one thing to do: say with a smile or very cheekily: “Out with you! And close the door, we would like to be alone!” Then you use the next opportunity to say something briefly. Many teenagers then do not want anything anyway hear more about it.
The other side: parents catch their children having sex.
I would immediately say: “Oh sorry, have fun!” And close the door. I have to say: “Sorry, I'm sorry that I bothered you.” My answer is actually always the same: keep your naturalness and deal with humor.
Children develop very differently when it comes to their first sexual experiences and relationships. Many parents think they can influence that. In your opinion, is it too early to have sex for the first time?
We sort out attacks and abuse. Otherwise, I think it happens when it is supposed to and when both of them want it. A twelve-year-old is usually not ready and would say “stop” when she petting if she has learned to do so. The other side of the coin is when she hopes for a status through sex or just can't get out of the situation. That is why it is important to talk to the young people, no, already to the children!
Children experience pleasure very early on, but living it out with someone else naturally only begins with puberty. Then it's not about sexual intercourse, but starts with cuddling and kissing. You only move on when you really want to. No matter if 14 or 16, then it is not too early for them. Always provided that the parents have informed the child. By the way, enlightened children do not have their sexual debut earlier, but later than others.
Does it change something for the love life and the ability to create relationships when girls take the pill right away?
Nobody wants teenagers to get pregnant. If you notice my child is having sex, you have to do everything you can to help. But does it have to be hormones? Contraception is a tiresome subject, even for any adult.
Who should educate the children? Parents or teachers? There is still shame and discomfort.
Yes totally! Some say: We take away the childhood of the children. I can only reply: That is a very ill-considered statement. If we don't talk to the children, an unexpected situation later, porn pictures and the like, can rob them of their childhood! They will come into contact with material that is not their age. So there is a false shame in adults for not wanting to enlighten or talk. Because children, even very small ones, are sexual beings, and we train them to feel good about touching themselves. And already they adopt the same “false shame”, which, by the way, has nothing to do with “natural shame”.
Keyword doctor games. It's a taboo. Kindergartens and many parents find it difficult to do so. How do I handle this?
I don't deal with it at all, I say: Have fun! There is the theory that you should let children do their thing. Kindergartens in Holland, Sweden, Norway and Denmark do it that way. Why should that be a problem? Only we are afraid again because we think about it with our adult, sexualized brain. But children do not yet have our sexuality, are not yet through puberty. So there is no such thing as pregnancy. There is only one thing: we explore each other's body – and that's not bad at all. They look where the belly button is and notice: “I have an opening down there and you have something else there.”
There it is again: this disguised concept of abuse and shame, and the fear of sexualising too early. Children who are so small play with their bodies and don't have sex. Always provided that you keep a careful eye on it and talk to the little ones.
Teenagers post nude pictures on Facebook or Instagram – a world parents no longer understand. Is that part of growing up?
Yes, I think that unfortunately is part of growing up for many today. It's not great because it goes too far. Here I come back to natural shame: It disappears when you see lots of naked people on TV. There needs to be clarification: nude pictures and sexting. The boys often do not think this is dangerous at all and are really lost when something happens such as bullying, contacting the elderly and much more, so the parents are often overwhelmed.
Correct! Because they are afraid of not knowing enough about it. You don't have to have the solution, but you have to offer the conversation.
The interview was conducted by Maria M. Held
TV tip: “Make Love – you can learn to make love”, new episodes on Tuesday, July 28th and August 4th at 10:15 pm.
Book tip: Ann-Marlene Henning, “Make Love”, Rogner Bernhard, 2013
Upbringing: Shame in children: how does the feeling arise? What does it mean? Parents are asked: This is how important sexual education is. This is what our readers say: How far should sexual education go in school? Couples between lust and frustration: when is sex allowed after childbirth?
The Pope meets French youth in an audience. There he explains that sex is by no means a taboo. Nevertheless, he does not consider pornography acceptable.
Pope Francis considers sex to be a heavenly gift. “Sexuality, sex, is a gift from God. No taboo,” said the 81-year-old pontiff at an audience with French youth, as the Vatican announced on Tuesday.
“There are two goals: to love yourself and to create life. It's a passion, it's passionate love. The love between a man and a woman, when passionate, makes you give life forever.”
At the same time, the Catholic leader criticized an “industry of sexuality”. “For example, you make so much money from pornography,” he said.
Sources used: dpa
She is not only the Colombian eye candy in the comedy series “Modern Family”, but was also the eye-catcher at the Emmy Awards in Los Angeles: Sofia Vergara cut a more than good figure at the television awards ceremony in her white robe.